Maggie's Birth Story

Disclaimer: There is no way to put the experience of giving birth into words. It's indescribable. However, I think it is very important to try to put the memory into words to preserve it. Every detail sticks out to me- that's why this is so long. :) 

Lovely. If there was one word to describe Maggie’s birth experience, that’s the word I would choose. Granted, there were moments of great intensity (more on that later), but now, nearly 2 weeks later, when I reflect on the experience, the overwhelming feeling is just how lovely and enjoyable the whole thing was!

Wednesday, January 9, 2013 I went to bed pretty early and slept well for hours. At 2:30am I woke up to go to the bathroom and was too uncomfortable to go back to sleep. Afraid this was just another in a long series of false alarms, I decided not to wake my husband, Jonny, but tried to rest on the couch, distracting myself by watching a show. At 4:30am, the contractions started to get more intense than they had in the days before.  Instead of just pressure and tightening, they actually felt like they were creating change in my body. I was thrilled, but tried not to get myself over-excited in case they stopped again. I woke Jonny and he helped me work through contractions as I swayed on the birth ball while he reviewed laboring position videos from ibirth. We lit candles and went back to relaxing on the couch.  At that point, the contractions seemed to slow a bit, and I was so scared they would stop. At ten days past my due date, I was ready for real labor! The contractions didn’t stop, and I tried to embrace each one, welcome the intensity and ask for more. As I had been with my first labor, I was in complete awe of what my body was doing on its own.

At 6:30am, our two year old little girl, Molly, woke up, hours before she would usually wake up! She wanted “milk-side” (morning nursing), which turned out to be very effective in increasing the consistency and intensity of my contractions. We then stayed in bed with her for almost an hour, cuddling and enjoying what we realized might be our last time with her as our only little girl. Finally, I decided I needed to get out of bed to cope with the contractions and we got up to make breakfast.

Around 7:30am we sent Molly across the street to our wonderful neighbors’ house to play with her friends. She was so excited to get to go play with them that she wasn’t sad to leave us at all, but I remember giving her a big hug and thinking about how grown-up she was getting.

Molly stayed at their house for about two hours until we decided that these contractions were probably turning into real labor. The pattern wasn’t always consistent, but they weren’t stopping. In between, I would doubt that it was actual labor, but then a contraction would knock my socks off! We called Molly’s  grandparents to come pick her up for the rest of the day (or however long labor took). They brought us food and took Molly home with them.

We continued to enjoy laboring together, using the birth ball, the bed, the bathroom, the kitchen counters (loved the height and stability of the kitchen counter- it was ideal!), etc. Around noon we let the midwife know that we thought we’d need her to come, but not for a little while still. We ended up having her come around 2:45pm, which was when the snowstorm really started. It was so nice not to have to worry about driving anywhere as the snow came down harder and harder.

When Rebecca, our midwife, arrived, she set up her supplies, took my vitals, listened to the baby, and helped fill our birth pool. The contractions were still manageable, but felt very productive. In between contractions I was able to enjoy chatting with Jonny and Rebecca. I was still excited to be in labor, but had to work a bit more to relax through contractions.  At some point, Rebecca offered to give me an herbal mixture (cohosh)or break my water to encourage things along faster, but I felt like everything was happening at just the right speed and I wanted to let my body do what it was going to do as long as things were going well. In the end, I was able to birth my baby with no interventions- I didn’t even have vaginal exams because everything was going well and I didn’t feel like it would be helpful/necessary. I felt so fortunate to be supported by Jonny and Rebecca, who both trusted my body, the birth process, and kept a watchful eye on us for safety. I knew in their hands I didn’t have to worry but could totally give in to what my body was doing.

Around 4:30 or 5pm, I got in the birth pool and the warm water felt amazing. The contractions seemed to spread out just a little bit, but were very intense when they came on. I started to feel pressure and knew that before too long I’d be ready to push. After one more trip to the bathroom, I settled again into the tub and started to feel a bit “pushy” through contractions. I started talking aloud to my baby, letting her know that I was ready to meet her, and I was ready to be DONE…done with pregnancy and done with labor, that I just wanted to hold her and be done.  This is where I got pretty pathetic..and pretty noisy J. 

The power of the contractions overwhelmed me and my “mama bear” instincts came out as I roared through the last few pushing contractions. My bag of waters burst at 5:57pm as I pushed and I felt a gush into the water and a bit of relief from the pressure. That moment of relief was followed quickly by another incredibly powerful contraction and I hit that moment when I wasn’t sure I could handle it any more- and then all in one motion, at 5:59pm, our perfect daughter was born into the water.  It happened so fast I don’t even remember her crowning- it was just over in an instant and there she was!

I was so overwhelmed as I went to pick her up I didn’t realize I was kneeling on her cord, so I had to reposition myself and I sat back as I lifted her out of the water to my chest. Her cord was pretty short, so she just barely reached my chest. I held her in the water with a warm towel and her daddy and I just admired her and told her how happy we were to meet her. It was just such a lovely, perfect moment. Her eyes were closed, so we turned off the lights and she opened them to look up at us. She snuggled right into my chest and immediately attempted to latch on.

Meanwhile, Rebecca was unobtrusively checking the baby (all while I was holding her). Everything checked out wonderfully. After the cord was done pulsing, Rebecca clamped it and Jonny cut it. Since the placenta wasn’t delivering quite yet, I moved to the bed to continue to nurse the baby, who we’d decided to name Maggie until the placenta delivered.

We were thrilled to announce Maggie’s arrival and sent out messages to our families of her arrival. I was able to take a wonderful shower and get all settled in my own bed! Rebecca got me all set up and did the newborn exam on Maggie. She had all the indicators of a 40 week baby, which made me glad we hadn’t tried to induce before she was ready.

Rebecca finished and left around 9pm (taking all the supplies with her- you couldn’t tell we had a baby in our living room!) and Molly’s grandparents (who had braved the stormy weather and slick roads) brought her back around 9:30pm. Molly was so excited to meet her little sister! It was a special moment for our little family. We all ate some food and went to bed (well, as much as you do with a newborn…we were awake half the night, but were so happy to gaze at our little girl that we didn’t mind being awake). 

Surround Yourself

Have you ever gotten really excited about something, then shared it with the wrong person, only to have your idea shot down? There's nothing like the feeling of going from totally pumped up to completely deflated.

On the other side of the coin, have you ever been excited to try something, then found a friend (or a group) who was very supportive of you? Maybe they were even a bit further down that path and could give you advice and cheer you on? It can make the biggest difference in your success.

The same is true in pregnancy, childbirth, and parenthood. It is crucial to surround yourself with support for success.

In pregnancy, women must search out and find a supportive care provider who shares their view of an ideal birth, whether that person is a midwife, and ob-gyn, or a family practice physician. 

Also, couples should attend childbirth education classes, where they are given support in making decisions for their new family, and are surrounded by other couples in the same situation. This support is especially essential for those who are planning a natural birth and need to have support from people who understand the value of that experience (instead of the doubting comments from that coworker who says, "Just wait until you are in labor. Then you'll be begging for the epidural." Or, "a home birth? Are you crazy?!?"). Childbirth education helps to inform, prepare, and empower couples to achieve the best birth experience possible. 

Note, however, that no one can completely predict or control their birth experience- but by having support and education, that birth can be a positive experience, no matter how it turns out. In pregnancy, surrounding yourself with support can help you to be healthier, more positive about your birth experience, and better prepared for birth.

In childbirth, having a support person (or people), such as a supportive husband, partner, doula, or friend, can actually increase the likelihood of a satisfying vaginal birth experience and decrease the likelihood of necessary interventions. According to a study published by the World Health Organization, 

"The review demonstrates that women who receive continuous, one-to-one support are less likely to have regional analgesia/anaesthesia, operative vaginal birth, caesarean section.....In addition, women were more likely to have a spontaneous vaginal birth and less likely to report dissatisfaction with the childbirth experience" 

Check out this page from Childbirth Connection for more evidence about the importance of labor support.

Surrounding yourself with support during labor can make a difference by increasing your satisfaction with the birth experience, which will help you to have a better start as a new family.

In parenthood, it can be easy to get confused and frustrated by all of the different parenting philosophies and challenges. I encourage you, first, to surround yourself with support for breastfeeding, perhaps by attending  La Leche League meetings and activities. You may come to realize that the challenges you face today are totally normal and temporary. :) Or you may be given great ideas on how to overcome the challenges you are currently facing and enjoy your breastfeeding relationship even more.

Beyond breastfeeding, I encourage you to find a group (in person, online, even in books) that supports a parenting lifestyle you feel is best for your family. An example of virtual support is Progressive Parenting (a blog and online talk radio program). In some areas, there are meetings of Attachment Parenting International. Most places have some type of Mommy & Me group. If you can't find a group you feel comfortable with, maybe you can start one!

This past weekend I was able to gather for a few hours with some other natural childbirth teachers in the Salt Lake area, and it was such a great experience to discuss topics and share our enthusiasm with each other. I left feeling energized and excited. 

I encourage you to find people who lift you up in whatever situation you may be in. It doesn't mean you have to stop being friends with those who don't understand your birth or parenting goals. It just means that you set aside time to surround yourself with support! It will make the journey a bit easier; I promise. And, as you are being lifted by those around you....you're probably lifting them too!